Behind The Box Score

ALL CONTENT IS NOT TRUTH, JUST FAKE, SPORTS HUMOR BASED ON WHAT’S TRUE. ENJOY!

Days after being upset by Northland High School, the Findlay Prep Pilots’ basketball stars were finally sent to class. When asked about the situation, coach Michael Peck responded, “These kids suck, they lost to some public school from Columbus. I told those bums if they lost a game this year they would ACTUALLY have to learn something at this ["academy"].” Read the rest of this entry »

Oh yeah, that’s right, no sports. Vote yes in November!

When everyone thought the Tim Tebow chatter would end after he was voted Second Team All SEC, well, the golden boy of college football is back. With ESPN covering this story a little too much, I’m going to put my two cents in. Yes, Tebow is a good quarterback, but come on the dude is overhyped. If I had the talent Florida has, I think I would be able to win a few games, and with the system Urban Meyer runs down there, anyone who can throw an object further than Sage Rosenfels would fit. Read the rest of this entry »

Three weeks ago, NFL Drama Queen Brett Favre told everyone in the national media and the Minnesota Vikings that he was going to stay retired. Finally, most people thought, this man would go away and let Sage Rosenfels and Tavaris Jackson duke it out for the starting quarterback spot. Well, like an STD, Brett Favre is back and expected to sign with the Vikings. Read the rest of this entry »

Even a month after he admitted to taking Andro from 1998 to 2004, he still is taking some drugs on the days he pitches, and some on off days. According to a USA Today report, he said that, “I have a lot of guys in the locker room who think I’m out of my mind because I’m taking Read the rest of this entry »

GM Mark Shapiro and the Cleveland Indians sent one of their only pitchers with a winning record, Carl Pavano, to the Minnesota Twins, a division opponent, for a bucket of balls. When Shapiro was questioned on the trade, the GM who traded Cliff Lee and Victor Martinez last month, Shapiro responded with, “Well, Victor took the last bucket to Boston so he could stash all of David Ortiz’s syringes to hide the evidence and Eric Wedge has been on steroids lately so all the balls when we take infield were going over the fence. At first, I was ok with Eric hitting it over the fence because he has been the only one doing it all year.” The Pavano trade was another questionable trade by Shapiro who dealt Cliff Lee and Ben Francisco to Philadelphia for a life long supply of cheesesteaks. When a reporter asked why Shapiro made the deal, the Columbus State grad said, “I love me some cheesesteaks so I thought it would be a good deal. Milwaukee gave us 2,000 kegs of beer for CC so this trade was a no brainer.” Ben Francisco was a promising prospect who hit a home run his last game with the team, when asked about this trade, Shapiro said the reasoning was the Ben wasn’t a name for a dude from the Dominican Republic and he figured the Indians could buy more Vagisil for Travis Hafner’s shoulder in doing so. In last place in all of the American League, Shapiro said the bucket of balls will, “turn the season around, and Shin-Soo Choo is loving the cheesesteaks, something different from what Kim Jong-Il fed him in North Korea.” More speculations have came out about the Indians’ next possible move and the heir apparent is Choo to the Seoul Sharks, a cricket team that reportedly makes great yum yum sauce, Luis Valbuena’s favorite. Johnny Peralta looks to be eating more food from Cleveland, as the former shortstop is starting to look like LenDale White, in his “drinkin’ days.” Stay tuned for the latest report from Browns Training Camp where the team is starting to actually play football, something they haven’t done since 1964.

THIS IS FAKE, JUST COMEDY!!!

After the Reds were beaten two out of the three games by the Chicago Cubs, chronic drug user Dusty Baker admited to smoking marijuana before the game. “Yo, where’d my weed go?” said Baker to Edwin Encarnacion last week, a day before he was traded to Toronto. Encarnacion, who has never smoked in his life, said to Baker, “Yo coach, I don’t know, why don’t you just quit?” that was the last straw for Baker who replied, “Edwin, last time someone told me to stop, I lost to the Marlins. You know Bartman? Yeah I put him in the stands, he runs a major meth lab down on the south side.” Two hours later, Encarnacion was dealt to Toronto, where the Reds in return got Scott Rolen, big in the cocaine industry. Rolen in his first day in uniform came up to Baker and told him the crack was in the clubhouse. With a shortage of chalk, the field crew accidentally stumbled upon the cocaine and used it to line the field. When Baker came out to talk to the umpires he smelled something very strong. “My crack, my crack!! Yo, who did this?” Scared about Baker’s violent ways, the field crew said nothing and Baker was eventually thrown out of the game. That day the Reds won. Asked after the game why he was thrown out, Baker replied to the reporter, “If someone used your crack to line the field, I think you would be pissed too. Them cracker umps threw my ass out before I could team up with Darryl Strawberry and sniff the lines. I thought Edinson did it, after breaking his elbow, he admitted he didn’t do it, oh, was I supposed to say that? Oh well, I got the White House behind me. Hell, I might even have a beer with Obama. Volquez was acting ’stupidly’” The shocking allegation was that later that week, Volquez was out for the season and ready to undergo Tommy John surgery. Volquez was interviewed on the cause of the injury and he said it had nothing to do with Baker, everyone knows how the drug dealers are in Cincinnati, snitches get stiches down there. With many Reds fans wondering why their team has hit the skids, unnamed sources in the clubhouse say the reason is the lack of alcohol available to Baker before games. Last season, the major beer importers were Adam Dunn and Ryan Freel, both not with the team. When Baker was asked why the team has struggled he said, “Uh, oh, uh, us Cincinnati uh Bengals uh Reds bloods is cause um, where my weed at?” After many have speculated why the Reds have blown lately, well we all know. When the team is down, manager Dusty Baker is always high.