Waking up every morning before dawn, many at the Mansfield YMCA see a legend in the making. In the wee hours of the morning, before most people start their day, one man, and one dream are in the making. After graduating with the class of 2010 at Central Crossing High School, Mansfield YMCA PF/C Jason Morrow has surpassed unlikely odds to get to the position he is in now.

Being around the basketball program at CCHS until it’s eventual downfall after the 2008-09 season, Morrow took his attention elsewhere, this time Hilliard Bradley. Sitting court side for each Jaguar game, Morrow quickly became fascinated with his new team. Although he never played in any games during his high school career, his time on the bleachers is going to serve him well with his new gig. Ohio State basketball star. As the Buckeyes roll to a #1 seed in the NCAA Tournament, the new weapon in their arsenal has yet to be released. Even with the lights out scoring of Jared Sullinger, William Buford and Jon Diebler, among others, coach Thad Matta is anticipating the 2011-12 season more than ever. When Morrow announced on March 1st that he would be heading to Main Campus for his sophomore season at Ohio State, many didn’t understand exactly what he was saying. Many followers on Facebook and Twitter believed it was a simple suggestion that “Jay Bird” as many call him, would just be going to the Oval to solely take classes and increase his wealth of knowledge. Well social networking world, you were wrong.

Let’s go back into Morrow’s basketball past and see where this beast began his tour of destruction. Playing basketball in the Grove City Parks and Rec league, Morrow was a sharpshooter from deep. Standing in the corner for the majority of the game, Morrow averaged nearly 27 points per game, solely off three point attempts. Many around the city of 30,000 began comparing Morrow to Reggie Miller, but of a different breed. With unforgettable goggles, and an electrifying stroke from deep, natives around Grove City saw a poor man’s Troy Murphy in the making. But after Murphy was cut by the Indiana Pacers prior to this season, many began calling him a poor man’s Jason Morrow. Funny how things change.

When Morrow reached high school, his dreams of taking his career to the next level were put on hold. Choosing to focus on a journalism career, Morrow put basketball to the side. But when he enrolled at Ohio State’s Mansfield campus, he picked up a basketball, and the fire was rekindled. Enlisting in an 18+ league at the local YMCA, where Mansfield legends such as Johnny Appleseed once roamed the courts, Morrow was beginning to bring a Shawshank type effect on the community.

In his first game against the Ontario YMCA, alma mater of the great Paul Morrow, the young Morrow dropped 36 pts, including a Kevin Love-esque 27 rebounds. The seven fans in attendance were amazed at what they saw from the freshman. Over the next seven games, Morrow averaged nearly 41 points per game, and in a December 6th game against the Glenville YMCA, where Ray Small and Rob Rose are the leading scorers, Morrow scored a league record 53 points. Mansfield was trailing with 7.8 seconds left, down two, with the ball, Morrow felt a great sense of urgency coming from within him. Looking to scorn the haters, and women that have burned him in the past, this fire brought out an aggression never seen before. With Donte Whitner guarding him from the top of the key, the defense figured he would attempt a three point field goal, since he had hit eight that day already. But as he moved a little to the right, Morrow executed a slick crossover that broke Whitner’s ankles, something that he has been used to every time he’s played Tom Brady. Driving down the lane, Morrow slammed home a thunderous dunk over Rob Rose, resulting in a foul. With a few tenths of a second remaining, Morrow sinked the free throw which put Mansfield in the lead. Glenville would miss on a heave at the end, and the Fighting Cows won their first game over the Tarblooders since 1922.

The Cows would roll to 18 consecutive wins behind Morrow’s play, which set them up for the YMCA National Championship on March 1st against YMCA of Queens. Led by Stephon Marbury and Sebastian Telfair, the Queens crew was something that the YMCA circuit had never seen. Behind Marbury and Telfair, the Militia set the YMCA record for 62 straight victories, dating back to 2009. But when Morrow walked into the gym, many felt as if Telfair was back in a Timberwolves jersey. The guard was unable to penetrate the lane, which wasn’t the last time he had trouble penetrating that night. When Telfair tried to kick to Marbury, the former Phoenix Suns great couldn’t hit a single shot. With the weak Eddy Curry in the post, who had been claimed off waivers on February 27th following the blockbuster deal for Carmelo Anthony, Morrow had his way on the opposing defense. Sprinting out to an early 15 point lead, the Fighting Cows never looked back. Morrow would total 47 points on the evening, setting another record, this time for points in a Championship game, and Mansfield won the title 80-63. As a crowd of 15,000 filled the DC area YMCA, what many didn’t see was the numerous NBA scouts and NCAA coaches in attendance.

At the postgame press conference, journalists from all over the country were eager to get into the mind of the Mansfield myth. As a writer from the Chicago Tribune asked, “Jason, where are you headed next fall?” Morrow responded, “Well, what should I do? Should I go where you want me to go? Should I trust my friends? They’re my friends. Well, I thought they were at first.” The puzzled reporter looked back and asked, “huh?” Morrow said, “look, I have no idea where I’m going to play next season, right now, any place is pie in the sky.” As the press conference concluded, the majority of reporters in the room were delirious over what just happened.

The next morning Morrow was featured on ESPN First Take’s “First and 10″ with Skip Bayless. Host Jay Crawford brought up the question, “Where will the country’s best player land for the 2011-12 season?” As Bayless began to voice his incredibly biased and unreliable opinion, Morrow interrupted saying, “Well this is very tough. (pause) Next fall, wow, this is tough, next fall, I’ll be taking my talents to Main Campus to join the Ohio State Buckeyes.” Crawford and Bayless were stunned. Crawford questioned Morrow, “Is that the decision you came up with this morning?” Morrow snapped back, “No sir, that has been in my mind since I was born, you reporters are on me harder than the SEC.” Bayless was adamantly upset with the turn of events, ripping Morrow live on television. “Oh here we go again, another drama queen from Northeast Ohio. You should be ashamed of yourself. You will never be anything like Michael Jordan. Gosh, I hate this show more than I dislike Woody Paige.” Morrow smirked back to Bayless and responded, “Skip, nobody has ever told you this, but how about you shut the (expletive) up.”

As the world watched Morrow commit to the Buckeyes, Ohio State freshman Jared Sullinger was ecstatic when he heard the news. Many on Twitter were witnesses to Sullinger’s tweet following the breaking news, “Welcome to Ohio State Mr Morrow. Let’s do it again next year #leggo.” As Morrow and Sullinger rejoiced, the headline at the Columbus Dispatch the following morning was, “Thad Matta does it again: Mansfield wunderkid Jason Morrow signs with the Buckeyes.” It’s crazy how sports can change someone’s life.

As the Chicago Cubs wrapped up a 5-3 win over the Pittsburgh Pirates last night at Wrigley Field, talks intensified between Isiah Thomas and the organization who hasn’t won a championship in 102 seasons. Thomas, who flew to Chicago on Tuesday, met with GM Jim Hendry about the job opening. Sources say the two had a 30 minute meeting concluding with Thomas talking to the media about the allegations. Thomas was questioned by many members of the media about his intentions for the club if he is hired. “World Series baby! That’s what we do here in Chicago. Jim and I had a nice discussion and talks have really caught fire lately.” What is more puzzling to the situation is that Thomas has no background with the Cubs, let alone baseball itself. In the early 2000s, Thomas was in charge of the Indiana Pacers, leading them to the playoffs multiple times but was eventually relieved of his duties. Then, the former Piston great was hired by James Dolan and the New York Knicks in an attempt to bring the New York franchise back to the level that it was at when Patrick Ewing sported the blue and orange. After acquiring Zach Randolph,  Fred Jones and Dan Dickau on a draft day trade with the Trailblazers, Thomas proceeded to sign Jared Jeffries and Jermaine Jones to full mid-level exception deals which recked the New York salary cap. Relieved of his duties on April 2, 2008, Thomas fell into relative obscurity until being introduced as the head basketball coach of Florida Internation in 2009. After securing a 7-25 record in his first season on campus, speculation raged whether or not the 12 All-Star would return. When family problems put an end to Lou Piniella’s career, somehow the Cubs came calling. The Cubs? Really?

When BtBS questioned Hendry about the situation at a press conference today, the GM offered a different story. “There’s no way in hell we would hire Isiah Thomas. He sucked at coaching basketball, what makes you think he could do baseball?” Hendry became more distraught when a reported questioned the job he was doing, as the reporter stated, “Well Jim, what have you done lately? Offer up your best pitcher for a scrub second baseman? Have you seen the standings lately? You’re 21.5 games out of first place and 20 games under .500, maybe you should worry about your job.” Hendry had a sharp response to the young reporter saying, “You should worry about whether or not you’ll be able to pay your car payment in the next month. I’ve seen your stuff, first reporter in history to write in ebonics, oh and tell your mother I’m sorry for the back pain.” The fued escalated as Aramis Ramirez barged into the media room to complain at Hendry. “How the hell you gonna hire Isiah Thomas? You already brought Alfonso Soriano’s bum ass in here and traded away Derrick Lee.” Hendry had no response to his best player, and opted to leave the room. Before walking out the door, a reporter in the back yelled at the emotionally torn general manager, yelling, “Hell, hire Steve Bartman!”

As for now it remains to be seen what’s going to go down in the Cubs organization. For a club who hasn’t won a championship since Teddy Roosevelt’s administration, you would think they would try a little harder to win, but with baseball you never know. If Isiah Thomas couldn’t build a winner with the most money and the biggest market in the NBA, maybe things would be different if he were to be hired by the Cubs. As long as the Wilson Chandler Project isn’t moved to Chicago, the Cubs can’t get any worse. It’s not like Thomas will unload their entire roster for a group of free agents three years from now. This is the latest from Chicago, a city where on game days, there’s more drive by’s than line drives.

In his three years as the general manager of the dreadful Pittsburgh Pirates, Neal Huntington hasn’t shied away from shocking moves. First was in his inaugural season, shipping off Jason Bay. Then in his second year, sending Jack Wilson, Freddy Sanchez, Nate McClouth and Adam LaRoche packing for new cities, new teams and new dreams. Well Huntington has pulled the trigger once again, with what he calls his “Legend Package.”

During a one hour press conference on Fox Sports Pittsburgh, Huntington announced his new plan of action for the organization. Many had no idea what he was referring to and when the plan was revealed, it left the numerous members of the media in Pittsburgh stunned. In what Huntington called, “a deadline deal,” the last place Pirates acquired LW Wayne Gretzy, not sure where he is going to play but they have had similar problems with Lastings Milledge, P Roger Clemens, who will likely be sent to jail for a very long time in the next year and SG Michael Jordan, who in the mid 90s explored a baseball career in the Chicago White Sox organization.

“We feel Gretzky will give us needed depth and a bat to go to in the later innings. I heard he scored alot, runs I believe. He’s about as old as Andy LaRoche, and hey, they both suck so I figured might as well sign him.”

When asked about the Clemens acquisition, Huntington replied, “He can’t be much worse than Ross Olendorf, and he is a fighter, that’s what we need. Come on, the guy has denied steroid use for the past three years, he can handle adversity.” When BtBS attempted to contact Jordan on the situation, Michael had no valuable comment. “The Pirates. Me? No, can’t be possible. I gave up that sport awhile back.”

After a bombardment of criticism from the Pittsburgh media, Huntington stayed strong with his bold move.

“Look, playoff baseball hasn’t been played here since Pamela Anderson was a virgin.”

Huntington would add later, “It’s August 31st!!!!!! Trade Deadline, duh.”

When you’re 33 games out of first place and 44 games under .500 anything is possible. But for Pittsburgh, this is truly shocking. Usually they trade players, not sign them. With a month left in the season, it’ll be very interesting to see how the Bucos do down the stretch with the AARP squad out on the field at PNC Park. “When we win 35 straight games and steal the World Series, I’ll be the one laughing. Neal Huntington. Out” Can’t blame a guy for wanting to win, but Huntington’s plan for success is about as dismal as the Stimulus Package.

• In other National League news, the Cincinnati Reds extended their lead over the St. Louis Cardinals to seven games after defeating the Milwaukee Brewers 8-4 in a game where the Cuban Missile Aroldis Chapman came in relief.

• The Chicago Cubs have found their heir apparent to Lou Piniella. Sources tell BtBS that Isiah Thomas has been in contact with the organization about the managerial position. Thomas, who is under contract with the Florida International basketball program, told Behind the Box Score that, “If I can get this job, I will finally be able to complete my masterplan. Operation Knick Destruction.” Not sure how he will be able to accomplish that but this is coming from a man who believed Eddy Curry was the savior for New York basketball.

• Omaha Nighthawks RB Maurice Clarett practiced with his new team today in front of a crowd of seven. Clarett, who served three and a half years in prison in Toledo is excited for his new start. “It’s a blessing. Instead of facing Big Bubba on every down, I’ll face guys with less intention.” Clarett is slated as the no. 2 back behind Ahman Green who is returning from hip replacement surgery.

Days after being upset by Northland High School, the Findlay Prep Pilots’ basketball stars were finally sent to class. When asked about the situation, coach Michael Peck responded, “These kids suck, they lost to some public school from Columbus. I told those bums if they lost a game this year they would ACTUALLY have to learn something at this ["academy"].”

This is a first for the program, as most of the players that have come through Henderson, Nevada haven’t had to really do much but play basketball. Forward Godwin Okonji was outraged with the news, saying in a very rough English, “Uhh, I have to learn something. I just thought I had to uhmm play football, uhm basketball. Coach Peck said if I had to go to uhm class that I might as well go back to war in Africa.” The defending champs looked to be on a collision course to a second consecutive national championship after posting 45 straight wins and an average of 100 points a game going into the matchup against Northland. After a nail biting 53-52 loss to the Vikings, the players on Findlay’s rosters all pointed the finger at Tristan Thompson who was called for a foul in the final seconds that led to the loss.

Thompson replied to the allegations on Friday at a press conference at his mansion he was given for joining the team. “Man I didn’t do shit. All these n****s hatin’ on me cuz’ I’m da best. If it wasn’t for my ass puttin up points we would be goin’ to class a long time ago. And I tried to call that ref to tell him I was standin straight up but damn he still called the foul. I never commit fouls. Shit, I was gonna go to school anyways, the dude that took the ACT for me got a low ass score like 17 or somethin, I heard his name was Daryl.” Thompson would add, “I don’t care either way. I’m goin to Texas, they don’t make you take classes there either. Just ask Jordan Shipley, he’s been there for like nine years and hasn’t even written his name on a paper.”

Guard Nick Johnson was also upset over the news, “Bro, I jump really high. I can’t shoot but I be good. I haven’t taken a class in years, what am I supposed to do now? Coach Peck lied to me, he said it was gonna be any easy ride, free AAU shit, free Nike gear, no class, mass girls. But now I gotta go to class? We’re talkin about class man, class. Not a game, not a game, but class? I’m supposed to be the franchise player and we’re talkin about me going to class? Dayum, wtf.”

The most intriguing part of the whole story was how the team was even put together. All night during the broadcast on ESPN Thursday, the announcers proclaimed that each player had gone to class, passed their tests and were eligible for any D1 schools. After doing research on the subject, I have found some grieving evidence. According to a report from the San Francisco Chronicle, no player on the roster had even passed the eighth grade. After being pressed with the issue, the Canadian native Thompson finally budged. “Okay, we was sittin in juvie, over in Phoenix and some asian dude walks in tellin us he can make us millionaires. I never did anything with my life. People push me down, but I’m Canadian, I cant fight back. So we was like fine we will play, now we livin with some white car salesman and he sayin we gonna be rich. Who wouldn’t take that offer?”

After all this time, speculation has built and the truth about the Findlay Prep basketball team has been exposed. Latvian native Marko Petrovic was tricked into interviewing with Behind the Box Score after we told him a free bottle of vodka would be provided. When asked about how he was brought into the Findlay program, Petrovic said, “I’m Latvian, my mother is a prostitute on the highway, nobody loves me and my dad drinks more than a Russian. I play this game called uh basketball, my mother says it will make me rich like a Ukrainian one day. So when I’m drinking before school, this Peck guy comes into my house made out of straw and says I can be given everything I have ever wanted. He says I will get actual clothing, uhm a house made out of sturdy material and money, lots of it, not the Monopoly money we use here in Latvia. When we lost to that team from New York or Columbus, I think it was somewhere in California, I was pissed because I would actually have to do something other than basketball. Makes me want to sell my self here rather than learn something.”

When the whole program was conceived, mastermind Cliff Findlay never dreamed his team would lose. Bailing the best stars out of jail, plucking players from war zones and the arm pits of the Earth, Findlay’s team was supposed to be unstoppable. After losing to Northland, the “school” now has weaknesses and the remaining road games have been cancelled. Coach Peck was asked by reporters why he decided to cancel the road games and this was his response. “Look, these bums make me look bad. I was some video coordinator at UNLV and now I gotta act like I’m coaching. I win all the time then I finally lose, now we look like we suck. I’m gonna take this money we were supposed to use for all of our games and go join Tiger at the night club.”

Forward Winston Shepherd of the team was asked how he felt about the news and it seemed he was the most upset, “I’m Jewish ok, I joined this team so I could skip out on my family’s celebrations for Hanukkah.  Now I have to spin some dradle and blow out candles for the next week. Damn I was supposed to be makin money on this team now I gotta go to class and live a normal life.” When Northland was in the process of beating the Pilots, Vikings forward Jared Sullinger was spotted smiling at the free throw line, many thought it was simply because he was about to send the Viks home winners. When BtBS dug into the situation, Sullinger actually said he was smiling because when he knocked down those two shots, those bums would have to go to class like everyone else, and they wouldn’t be undefeated. Sullinger would add, “That Thompson dude, damn he cried more than Tim Tebow after Alabama. Yeah, boy, you fouled me get over it. I dominated him, made him feel like poop, now he has to go learn about useless physics and math. Haha, I think it’s hilarious.” Vikings wingman JD Weatherspoon chimed in, “Yeah, I didn’t even have to play and we still beat them. My ankle didn’t hurt, I was sitting on the bench getting their homework ready after knowing we would beat them. Whose number one now?”

Pilots guard Cory Joseph was especially livid following the release of the news. Joseph was checked into Riverside Methodist Hospital with two sprained ankles after having to guard Trey Burke the entire game. Joseph wasn’t available to the media after doctors said his injuries were too severe. The aforementioned Thompson was even more angered when he realized his assignments would be sent through the air, just like the two shots he tried to attempt on Devon Scott and Sullinger, both of which were blocked back to back. The funniest part of the entire situation is the fact that the team GPA will likely be lower than Matt Forte’s yards per carry average. Have fun in class Pilots, not the first time you have lost this week.

When everyone thought the Tim Tebow chatter would end after he was voted Second Team All SEC, well, the golden boy of college football is back. With ESPN covering this story a little too much, I’m going to put my two cents in. Yes, Tebow is a good quarterback, but come on the dude is overhyped. If I had the talent Florida has, I think I would be able to win a few games, and with the system Urban Meyer runs down there, anyone who can throw an object further than Sage Rosenfels would fit.

All this time, I have been building up anger over this kid. I don’t care if he won a Heisman, or if he preaches to prisoners about God and how great of a man he is. Tebow is a sellout who won’t make it in the NFL and is getting his kicks while in college. ESPN always looks for the golden boy to cover and get in the heads of fans everywhere. While Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption covered Tebow’s topless pose in the latest issue of GQ which read, “Does God Have a Tim Tebow Complex?” alot was going on in the sports world. Uhm lets see, Brett Favre was practicing with the Vikings, LeBron James was rapping on stage and throwing up the roc with Young Jeezy and the Lions were winning.

 But no, let’s focus on an overhyped douche bag who thinks he is the greatest gift to the Earth other than David Hasslehoff and cover poses of a guy who can’t throw the football and gets every call in the games. Tebow excels with talent around him but if he didn’t have Percy Harvin, Jeff Demps and the defense the Florida has, he would once again lead his team to an 8-5 record, just like he did in 2007 with a loss to Michigan, TODD BOECKMAN BEAT THEM!!! For most college football fans, hearing updates on fall practice and predictions for the national forecast is what we want to hear, not about how Tebow was on the cover for a magazine for people who don’t watch football. I’m so sick of this guy, he is not the MVP of that Florida team, you want to know who is, Brandon Spikes, the vocal point of a defense that is 73 point favorites over Charleston Southern. Why again, is Florida scheduled to play them? So for 2009′s Douche of the Year Award, Behind The Box Score presents Tim Tebow as the unanimous winner, great job Tebow and next time you visit the jail I hope you lose that V-Card that ESPN so loved to cover.

Three weeks ago, NFL Drama Queen Brett Favre told everyone in the national media and the Minnesota Vikings that he was going to stay retired. Finally, most people thought, this man would go away and let Sage Rosenfels and Tavaris Jackson duke it out for the starting quarterback spot. Well, like an STD, Brett Favre is back and expected to sign with the Vikings.

ESPN’s Chris Mortensen has reported that the contract is worth between $10-12 million dollars for a one year. Now, two years away from telling all Packer Nation Favre would never leave them, the all time leader in passing yards, touchdowns and interceptions will be playing the Lambeau faithful twice a year. To some this may be a shocker, but to me, I saw it happening all along.

Favre is like an old hooker who no longer gets any attention on the corner and after underperforming for a few nights finally decides to call it quits. But after she realizes she has no other skills, she comes back and starts fast. Its not about how you start though, its how you finish and after charging the man too much, who would get fired from his job weeks later, she decides she will go back home and hang out with high school kids. Once again, that wasn’t enough fun and she has to come back to the streets and starts working for the Purple Pimp, the rival of the pimp she had been working for all along. She always had been known as a work horse, but now everyone hated her for her actions. What a tragedy!

That basically explains Brett Favre in a nutshell, throwing 5 more interceptions than the Minnesota QB’s last season and only having a passing rating 0.5 higher, it will be entertaining to see what Favre can do in Minnesota. With many weapons on offense including the best back in the league, Adrian Peterson, the task at hand should be much easier on Favre, whose AARP card just got recalled last night. Containing speed on the ends in Bernard Berrian and Percy Harvin and a go-getter tight end in Visanthe Shiancoe, this Viking offense should roll in an NFC North that is battered with bad defense, QB drama and well, the Lions. Look for another 10 win season and quite possibly a trip to the Super Bowl on the horizon for Minnesota, but with Favre, anything can happen, so don’t put all your eggs in one basket just yet Viking fans. As a good pimp once told me, “With prostitutes, you don’t know what you’ll get. You can smack em up for leaving, but they keep coming back. Just hope for the best.” That’s what Viking fans should do this season, as Favre, who is coming off shoulder surgery will be their starting quarterback on a team with all the tools for making a run.

Even a month after he admitted to taking Andro from 1998 to 2004, he still is taking some drugs on the days he pitches, and some on off days. According to a USA Today report, he said that, “I have a lot of guys in the locker room who think I’m out of my mind because I’m taking a lot of things not on the approved list. I take 10 to 12 different things a day, and on the days I pitch, there’s four more things. There’s a caffeine drink I take from a company that Curt Schilling introduced me to in ’05. I take some Korean ginseng and a few other proteins out there that are not certified. But I haven’t failed any tests, so I figured I’m good.”

*Warning, Comedy Corner/Rant Upcoming*

I mean really? You take some type of PEDs before every time you pitch? The numbers don’t really show that. You are 10-11, and 10 of your 23 starts you have given up 5 ER or more. Not to mention the games you must have lost your pills and forgot where you left them at your house, when you got rocked for 9 ER, twice, only one time you had somehow made it through five innings. Could you somehow have not gotten those drugs across the Canada-US border when you got crushed for 10 ER in ONE INNING? I thought taking still illegal PEDs would help you get more speed on that fastball, or more turn on the curveball. But I guess the ball just flies 600 feet out of the yard no matter if you do take your drugs or not.

Oh, I’ll leave you with a nice quote all you Manny lovers. “I can see where guys like Hank Aaron and some of the old-timers have a beef with it. But as far as looking at Manny Ramirez like he’s serial killer Ted Bundy, you’re out of your mind. At the end of the day, you think anybody really cares whether Manny Ramirez’s kidneys fail and he dies at 50?

After the Reds were beaten two out of the three games by the Chicago Cubs, chronic drug user Dusty Baker admited to smoking marijuana before the game. “Yo, where’d my weed go?” said Baker to Edwin Encarnacion last week, a day before he was traded to Toronto. Encarnacion, who has never smoked in his life, said to Baker, “Yo coach, I don’t know, why don’t you just quit?” that was the last straw for Baker who replied, “Edwin, last time someone told me to stop, I lost to the Marlins. You know Bartman? Yeah I put him in the stands, he runs a major meth lab down on the south side.” Two hours later, Encarnacion was dealt to Toronto, where the Reds in return got Scott Rolen, big in the cocaine industry. Rolen in his first day in uniform came up to Baker and told him the crack was in the clubhouse. With a shortage of chalk, the field crew accidentally stumbled upon the cocaine and used it to line the field. When Baker came out to talk to the umpires he smelled something very strong. “My crack, my crack!! Yo, who did this?” Scared about Baker’s violent ways, the field crew said nothing and Baker was eventually thrown out of the game. That day the Reds won. Asked after the game why he was thrown out, Baker replied to the reporter, “If someone used your crack to line the field, I think you would be pissed too. Them cracker umps threw my ass out before I could team up with Darryl Strawberry and sniff the lines. I thought Edinson did it, after breaking his elbow, he admitted he didn’t do it, oh, was I supposed to say that? Oh well, I got the White House behind me. Hell, I might even have a beer with Obama. Volquez was acting ‘stupidly’” The shocking allegation was that later that week, Volquez was out for the season and ready to undergo Tommy John surgery. Volquez was interviewed on the cause of the injury and he said it had nothing to do with Baker, everyone knows how the drug dealers are in Cincinnati, snitches get stiches down there. With many Reds fans wondering why their team has hit the skids, unnamed sources in the clubhouse say the reason is the lack of alcohol available to Baker before games. Last season, the major beer importers were Adam Dunn and Ryan Freel, both not with the team. When Baker was asked why the team has struggled he said, “Uh, oh, uh, us Cincinnati uh Bengals uh Reds bloods is cause um, where my weed at?” After many have speculated why the Reds have blown lately, well we all know. When the team is down, manager Dusty Baker is always high.